emotional trauma (posted 4 months ago)

i had a dream about you last night. you we’re in our training room and i kept on telling you to go away, but you just would not. i woke up 3 times but my dream just continued where it left of. yes, I KEEP TELLING MYSELF TO LET YOU GO — GO AWAY, BUT I CAN’T!!! i know it’s not your fault. YOU WERE JUST BEING YOU. my mind wanders to you all the time nowadays. maybe because of the fact that i’m now working for the same company you used to work for? or that i’m now walking in the very same office that you did? or riding the same elevators you used to? i could not help but think that one of my officemates may be your friend? gaka praning ko! i should not feel this way. this is really pathetic! but i can’t stop! you already moved away - to another country even! you already moved on. why can’t i? i keep telling convincing myself that i’m over you. i really have. or so i thought. but i should move on. i know you really did not love me. why am i still thinking of you? hell, even in my dreams! NO, I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN. i should choose to forget my feelings for you. letting go is remembering you without fear. the fear of remembering the feelings that i used to have. have i really moved on? or is it just because i can’t help associate you with the work i have right now? but it does not have to be that way. i should not be bothered by that mere fact. i’m hoping to sleep tonight without seeing you. this is just too hard. it’s enough already. it’s been way too long.